Posts

No Dumpling Left Behind: Estimating A Parent's Love

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So I've known how to make food for myself since I was very little, like elementary school times. I remember when I was 8, I would go to the kitchen, grab myself an apple, a serrated knife and start cutting it into slices (I guess my parents didn't quite childproof the kitchen or is that a normal thing?). I'd put them on a plate and then start eating them while watching Rocko’s Modern Life. The apple slices turned into sugar cookies, then lasagna and then whatever I saw on the Food Network (I was the kind of teen who took notes during Christine Cushing Live. This was before I could look up recipes on my phone okay?). I cook fast and I’m very efficient. So when I became a mom, the whole dinnertime part wasn’t that bad until one night.

I come home, daughter in my left arm (having picked her up from Gong Gong Por Por’s after work) and my purse in the other (I swear I can bicep curl a cow with my just left arm). I put her down and open the fridge. I had made beef tomato wit…

Dating Chronicles 1: Needs, Wants, Deserves

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This is the first of several posts about my perspectives on dating and relationships. Similar to what I wrote in my RBF blog, I believe being positive attracts those who are positive and being negative attracts those who are negative (Contrary to how magnets work, it's not a miracle haha).  If we treat ourselves well, we will attract people who will treat us well. If we treat ourselves like shit, we will attract those who are attracted to those who treat themselves like shit...you know, so they can take advantage of us and expand their shit treating skills. 

Wait a sec...just so we are clear, how do you treat shit? I’ve changed my fair share of poopy diapers (still going at it BTW) and those get dumped into the Diaper Genie so no one can see it, hear it, taste it, touch it or smell it (they call it a Genie for a reason). Since most romantic relationships typically put all 5 senses to good use (possibly 6 if you're Demi in Ghost...cue the music...Oh My Love), getting treated l…

First Comes Baby, Then Comes Resentment

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After she was born, I started hating my husband like he was this evil asshole who only cared about himself and his needs. Our bundle of joy was more like a bundle of tangled Christmas lights. I was trying to figure out which end was which and had no clue if I was making progress untangling it while he stared in awe at the pretty lights. Oh so pretty (rather, awww ho dut yee ahhhh). As weeks went on, I grew more comfortable as a mom; however, my hatred towards him became this brewing, bubbly, dark, thick resentment that coated the air whenever he came home from work.
"I was annoyed he needed help with things I had been doing all by myself like carrying her from the car seat to the crib without waking her up (Come on man, that's like Ninja shit we Asians are supposed to be naturally good at)."Every minute he was late, the resentment grew exponentially. My internal struggles of accepting my new role as this nurturing, caring, selfless person would became so apparent ev…

17 Going on 27

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Hitting my first rock bottom at the age of 16 made me grow up pretty quickly. How does a self-destructive teenager with a distorted view of the world climb back up? Recovery is a life long commitment and I know I am always vulnerable to a relapse.

It came down to constantly doing a mind scrub of what I’d like to call The Dirty C’s:

Control 

Comparisons 
Competition

In addition to all the things that happened leading up to grade 10, I also had my first boyfriend. I become one of those girls who “ditches her friends” once they get into a relationship. I think everyone knows someone like that. You know, that girl in your group who just magically disappears one day and gets absorbed into another. She transforms overnight and her entire identity is officially Girlfriend of X. My social circle was reduced to 1 other person and that was all I needed.

Then in the beginning of grade 11, that relationship ended. He left me and I was completely alone. I had no friends, just me, myself and …

To RBF or not

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Ladies, have you ever been in a public location (like waiting for the bus, buying groceries or getting your fix at Starbucks) and a man comes up to you and tells u to smile? Like he says, “Turn that frown upside down and smile!” or “You'd be prettier with a smile”. 

It's happened to me a few times. It sometimes came from grandpas and I thought it was endearing like he was trying to cheer me up. Then there were other instances of men around my age doing that. I didn't think much of it when I was younger until a few years ago when I started hearing the term RBF (Resting Bitch Face).  At first I thought it was a pretty funny term.  I mean yes, I do often see women in public who have that type of face and now there's a term for it.  The term made me feel like I was part of a group of individuals who have all encountered that type of woman.  The term categorizes mutually observed behaviour and it's funny because we can all relate.  But then I started really thinking …

13 Reasons Why I Watched 13 Reasons Why

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This blog is dedicated to my highschool self. You were a really important part of my life. I'm so glad you saw the light at the end of the tunnel before your self harming ways got to a point where I couldn't be here today to write this blog.

Here are my 13 Reasons Why I watched 13 Reasons Why

1. I watched this show during my maternity leave and every time the baby was napping, I would turn Netflix on and there it was, creepy dead girl voice and all

2. The creepy dead girl was gorgeous and wasn’t a bony skeleton

3. There were Asian characters in it

4. I was curious to know what teenage life is like now

5. It was all the buzz on social media at the time

6. My friend recommended it and told me she binge watched it all in one weekend

7. It seemed dark and controversial

8. Hello cassette tapes! (Brings me back to the radio recording days and the urgent need to press the square button when the commercial came on or the guy started talking)

9. My guilty pleasure for watching high sc…

My Top 4 Tips for Preserving the Chinese Language as a CBC Mom

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I'm a first generation Canadian Born Chinese (you can read more about my journey of accepting my culture here). As much as I've been open to learning and adopting the Chinese way of doing things, it's been hard balancing what I think is important to preserve in my family versus “I'll just do it the Canadian way.” There are some Chinese practices that I just don’t embrace.

For instance, my daughter should not wear white, blue or black hair accessories because of a Chinese superstition that it’s associated with bad luck/death. Okay, those clips/hair ties go missing all the time so I get them in bulk and there are a bunch of blue, black and white ones. I’m not going to waste half the package because of a silly belief. But mainly, I believe bad luck is a necessary component of life; it makes me adapt, becoming more resilient with whatever life throws at me. I can’t control these things and it’s better that I accept that I can’t control them because then when shitty things …

3 Things I Will Do When I'm a Grandma

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I’m going to preface this by saying this list is based on the assumptions that my daughter decides to have a kid and that I will be alive when this happens. 
I know this may not happen but I like to put these thoughts into words in case it does. This is so that if she does become a mom in the future, we can read this together and she will either make me eat my words ("Come on mom, you’re a total hypocrite and you don’t do any of these things you said you were going to do") or validate these thoughts I have now. Plus, it’ll be cool to see how my perspective changes as time goes on.

1. Become a kid again.
Children are an endless source of wonder and curiosity. When I become a grandma, I get to see life through their filter-less lens but without the burden of authority and responsibility that comes with the parenting package. I can't wait to learn from my grandchild, to see the world from their perspective, to ask questions about random topics and see what spews out. I …

My Breastfeeding Journey

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Oh what a topic to write about.  

Disclaimer: this is a lengthy post.  I missed last week's post so I'm making up for it.  

So I exclusively breastfed my daughter 2 weeks shy of 6 months. I completely weaned her on my birthday as a gift to myself. It was also around the time when Florence Leung’s husband released a statement about losing his wife. I’d consider myself a realistic optimist so I try my best to understand and accept why horrible situations happen and I try to see the silver lining in them (Without logic and reasoning to some of the darkest moments of humanity, I don’t think I could do my day job).

A sad and unfortunate event gave me the courage to do a good thing for myself. Her story resonated with me not only because we gave birth around the same time but it struck a strong chord within the Chinese community, bringing awareness to postpartum depression and conversations about mental illness. My dad’s a news junkie (especially stories involving Chinese people) …